​​​Stop. Fucking. Settling.

Stop. Fucking. Settling. Are you living the life you’ve “always dreamed of”? If not, why not? (And, some “how to” steps to get you on your way…)

First, a quiz (i know how much everyone loves those Facebook quizzes, so here you are):

How do you feel when you wake up in the morning?

1. I am excited and energized by my sleep and the day ahead
2. “oh, god no” (hits snooze button)
3. I’m not sure. I’ve never really stopped to consider this.

How do you feel about your body? (like, when you’re naked)

1. I love this body! it is the perfect vehicle for my life and personal pleasure
2. naked? I don’t do that. (in this category also may fall any and all statements that look something like “ugh, i just need to lose/gain (insert number of pounds/inches) and then i will feel better about this topic”
3. I’m not sure. I don’t really feel connected to my body.

How’s your love life?

1. Exactly as I want it (I love being single, partnered, dating, whatever. It doesn’t matter which category you fall into. I just want to know if you love it.)
2. Ugh. its complicated.
3. I’m not sure. It’s okay. (in this category can fall “relationships/dating/finding mate is just really hard. Life isn’t a fairy tale, you know”

Your career? (this can include parenting, and/or any service or work that you may do in this life even if you are not paid for it. The real question here is do you feel as though you have a purpose in lie and that you are fulfilling it?)

1. a) I told you: I am excited by the day ahead, and this is why!
2. b) I’m dying a slow and painful death in this cubicle over here.
3. c) I’m not sure.. I’m just going through the motions…it pays the bills (or whatever variation of this you want to insert here)

Money? Do you have the financial freedom that you would like? (I save this one for last because it usually has the most charge around it. It’s easier to teach a workshop about sex than it is about money..thats how many hangups many of us have been handed down by our parents and culture about finances)

1. I am financially free (this could mean any number of things, including living in poverty if that feels good to you.)
2. I can’t even look at this question without feeling angry/scared/ashamed/depressed/hopeless/etc.

These are the questions I ask every person who walks into my office.

This was not, I can assure you, the list of questions I had when I first began my private practice in holistic medicine.

In the beginning, I was enamored with physical symptoms and the ways I could watch the body “magically” right itself through the use of homeopathy, nutrition, structural alignment and energy medicine (energy medicine is a whole other article, but for the purposes of this one, think quantum physics here).

But there were clients who did not heal. Or those who started coming to me who”had everything” (including health), but were sent to me for spiritual guidance.

The “spiritual guidance” piece is because I have devleoped certain tools and methods of honing my intuition to utilize in my work.

This is the piece were I got to learn that everyone has a different medicine.

And where “medicine” does not have to be a pill (whether its pharmaceutical or “natural”), or a diet, or a even meditation technique to be potent…This is where I learned to start really asking deeper questions. To sit with each person and ask:

WHAT DOES YOUR LIFE LOOK LIKE RIGHT NOW?

and, then:

WHAT DO YOU WANT IT TO LOOK LIKE?

the second question often is met with a blank stare.

This question can be very frightening to some…there can be a sense that in order to have all that we desire that we must give up everything we have. Especially if we may be in a position where we have the life someone else has always dreamed of (I’m thinking of some of my clients who are navigating being famous in this lifetime, or very successful in any field, for that matter). Success is a feeling, not an external measure.

There are a myriad of reasons why this question can create pause in each of us.

So, I encourage each of my clients (and now, you) to take a deep breath, feel your feet on the ground and ask yourself this variation:

“Just for shits and giggles, if I could have my life exactly as I want it, what would my day look like tomorrow?”

And, if this variation still has you frozen in fear, then let’s just start here:

“What did you love doing when you were little?”

This one usually gets things going.

I encourage you to really take a moment now to ask these questions of yourself. Allow yourself to approach this with curiosity and openness. I am not suggesting you pick up tomorrow and abandon your partner/children/job/life and move to Guam. There are ways to incorporate and move in the direction of “the next best thing for me” without losing everything you have now. You will be surprised once you become open to it.

As surpirsed as I was when I started watching people heal physically when they started following their dormant life dreams.

This can look as simple as taking singing lessons. Or a class in finances.

Or, it can look like leaving your job as the head of an advertising agency and moving to Guam (and subsequently being happier, healthier, and even financially more abundant than you have ever been before).

There is, however, one other tool that is required. Earlier in the piece I made mention of the honing and use of my intuition as a part of the work I do. When I began my private practice, I used “my tools” to assist others. And, while I continue to do this, I have come to learn that the most important thing I can do as a practitioner is to facilitate these abilities in others.

We have to take the “woo-woo” bullshit, hearts and unicorns out of the notion of using our intuition.

seriously.

Using your own internal “knowing”, or intuition, is really where the rubber meets the road of living the life of your dreams.

it can mean turning left when the directions that you see written on the map say to turn right. It can also mean moving to Gaum.

Or, it can be as simple as signing up for a painting class because you loved that when you were younger but have since forgotten about it.

Let it begin small. If you haven’t been talking (or listening as the case really may be) to your inttution, lets just open the lines of communication.

Ask yourself what you’d like to have for lunch (or whatever the next mean you are having next in your particular time zone).

Stop.

Take a breath.

and wait.

through the noise of the brain who’s job it is to keep having thoughts and making to do lists.

and see what you hear. or see. or feel. The answer may not come to you until you are in the restaurant. or in the kitchen. or walking down the street from your office trying to figure out where to go…

wait.

remain calm.

and, if your intuition says “i want a cupcake” (or you visualize that cupcake – or however your intuition decided to start communicating with you)…then, have the cupcake.

Even if you are on one of my candida diet protocols (yes, to all of my clients who are reading this: I did write that!)

Opening the lines of communication between yourself and your internal guidance is infinitely more important that any dietary program.

And the first step in laying the groundwork for discontinuing the pattern of settling and living the life you want.

Rachael Smith is a holistic wellness and energy medicine practitioner and educator with clients and students around the globe. For wellness tips and no-BS inspiration, follow her on instagram @rachaelsmithwellness For direct info, you can email [email protected]

Rachael is teaming up with master energy medicine teacher, Shanna Marsh to facilitate a certificate level training for Advanced students and practitioners (including, but not limited to: yoga teachers, acupuncturists, chiropractors, therapists). The class will kick off on August 11th and 12th in NYC with an intro “taster” weekend. If something in this article elicits your “inner knowing” (or even our “inner maybe” to start with) to pursue this with deep structured teachings and at a deeper level, please contact [email protected] for course details.