When you are in a relationship, you want to believe that all is well. You may even want to believe that you have finally met “the one.” We enter into a relationship with the hopes of happily ever after. But what happens when your happily ever after is not so happy, in fact at times it can be cruel and toxic? And yet, there are times that it is so wonderful and magical as if you are walking on air? Well, that, is the confusing part of what we call “the pendulum swing.”.
You may feel as if you are living a perfect dream in one moment and an utter nightmare in the next. As cruel as your partner is may also be how loving and kind they are. It really can play with your emotions, your mind and have you questioning your own sanity.
I am here to share with you some questions to ask yourself as well as insights I have learned over the course of my journey to help identify some of these “red flags” to look out for. I cannot stress enough the importance of trusting your gut and paying attention to the signs as everything counts:
Is your partner different when you are alone vs when you are with other people? Are they charming to the outside world and critical when it is just you?
Do you feel as if you are walking on eggshells and you are not sure which version of your partner you are going to get?
Do you start to believe that all of the disagreements are your fault? If only you acted a certain way, all would be wonderful.
Do you feel supported or criticized?
Do they have an issue with your friends or try to make you feel bad when you spend time with them?
Think through some of the answers to these questions. There is no shame, no judgement. It is just information to make you aware of the environment that you are in. Once you have this awareness, you can process and take action as needed.
You are a special light in this world. You deserve to be supported, loved and celebrated. It is not a coincidence that you are reading this article as you are exactly where you are supposed to be.
If you can relate to the scenarios described, and on some level, believe you are in a toxic relationship, the fear of leaving will need to be less than the pain of staying. This is the magical math equation to leaving a toxic relationship. Listed below are some tips to help you through your process.
Surround yourself with friends that make you feel good. If not face to face, then with technology. A virtual support system via text or other is powerful.
Remind yourself that your sanity is not in question. The “pendulum swing” is real.
Seek out someone to speak to whether professional therapist or life coach if you are able to. This helps with building your confidence one step at a time.
Pay attention to the messages you receive and follow your gut.
Know that you are not alone. You are on your way and you’ve got this.
Following a dynamic career of over 25 years at the executive level leading teams and coaching women in a Fortune 50 company, Stacey Aaron Domanico became a certified life and empowerment coach so she could focus on her first love of mentoring women: a role she began to enjoy while still in her corporate life. Today, as a two-time cancer and toxic relationship survivor, it is Aaron Domanico’s purpose and passion to help other women by sharing the lessons she has learned and tools she has developed throughout her own journey. She loves to travel, entertain friends, ride her Peloton (especially after indulging in a seriously good thin-crust pizza), and spending time with her husband, their four children, and fur baby, Bella.
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