“As we approach our “Crone” years, we must make a decision to celebrate age rather than bemoan it. For in honoring who we are becoming a wonderful quest awaits … a journey of discovery.” Crone Wise Woman Elder
These are the things I have been thinking lately:
- I never imagined that at 53 my thoughts would so often wander into the past.
- Why have I not been able to abide by my own bumper sticker philosophy I preached at 38: Destined to be an old woman with no regrets?
- How did I manifest physical health only to fall into mental unrest, and are these two somehow linked?
- Am I unable to envision a healthy, joyful existence?
- Why am I having such a difficult time accepting myself as the aging woman I am? How can I not appreciate that without aging there is death?
- How do I learn to dream a better dream?
To take each thought as separate unto itself would be a waste of time—yours and mine. To scoop these thoughts lovingly together and lift them up into the metaphorical embrace of a nurturing crone would be to …
- … deny their power over the me who has become She Who Does Not Accept Low Vibrational Thoughts
- … create space for a kinder way of walking in this world
- … offer myself the possibility that what the sages have said is true: You are not this body; you create your own reality; life is but a dream.
- … accept that if I have created my life thus far and I no longer enjoy the experience, I have the capacity to create a new one.
- … understand that it is that simple, and go forth.
- … remind myself that it is not too late to become that old woman with no regrets
“By letting go of my ego, I will embrace the truth that is inside me, which is fearless.” –Deepak Chopra
Now comes the fun part: as Deepak Chopra asks in one of the affirmations on his CD Soul of Healing Meditations, “What do I want?” Without fear, judgment, or mental roadblocks: What do I want?
- To stop looking back
- A fearless open heart
- To look in the mirror with eyes of compassion
- To appreciate all that I have overcome
- 100% acceptance of all things everyday
- To know that I am an important cog in the wheel of life
- A meaningful relationship grounded in kindness and respect with each member of my family
- The physical strength to pursue any idea that feels vibrationally evolved
- The courage to accept my past, my age, my appearance
- The vision to move forward with confidence and zeal
Though intellectually I am conscious that I live an existence that can be seen as privileged and enviable, I too frequently make choices that cause myself to suffer. In my own mind I am aware that when I make these kinds of choices I fall into an ugly pit of self-absorption and narcissism.
Now, however, I must pull myself up and out. I am too old to act like a spoiled child—this I know for sure. So, with the start of this new year, I loudly intend to allow for the possibility that it is not too late to change. With every new day that arrives, I can choose to wake up and promise myself to take one deep breath in that affirms I can. I will. I want to. Then see what happens next.
In her free time, writer Dina McQueen may be found enjoying a swim in the Pacific Ocean, or cycling along San Diego’s north county coastline. She lives with her husband and daughter in Carlsbad, California, where she is training to become an ESL teacher.