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Evil Influenza Grasps Us In A Headlock!!

Evil Influenza Grasps Us In A Headlock!!

When I got the flu last year this is how it went down;

It’s really just the  monotony of being sick that’s the pain in the ass.   The rest is tolerable.    The  isolation, for a social b-fly like me, requires discipline.   After the first cuddly day of movies and tea…which is quaint.. I start getting truly  antsy and IM’ed my friends in desperation.   Some words of wisdom from my friends trying to placate/ Doctor me:

Karliin said: “Drink : Oregano leaf, Olive leaf, Colloidal silver, Vit C,  and Zinc in a tea and don’t eat!   It slows  down healing.   Just light soups and vegetable juices. Spanish influenza will be gone by tonight.”


Kendra said “garlic and onion.”   She also told me to hang upside down.   That somehow that seems to “jostle things up” and get the blood moving.   I forgot to try it.


A new friend  (and raw foods chef) said

“Just sleep a lot! Lot’s of water —  and keep away from solid foods especially cooked soy, and starches!   Solids meaning things you have to chew too much mainly.   You can eat soups and such…if I feel some type of sickness coming on, I avoid food so my body has an opportunity to heal itself and doesn’t expend energy on processing foods.”


What happened to  FEED A COLD??   That used to be my favorite part of getting sick.   Sheesh.   Now not only do I have to practically fast, but I have to be practically dying while I do it? Lucky news is – after my Love went to the health food store and pumped me full of homeopathic remedies) and after three days of devouring enough food to feed a small Nation (screw soups only  – this Jewess needs to chow DOWN) — I’m on my way to a little town called Betterville.

Lucky me, Madame Influenza waltzed into my life again last week.   I just got over a week of sneezing n’ wheezing, and lived to tell the tale.  Check out my newest flu tips ala carte;


Naturally Well advises a “wellness elixir” which you may want to drink stat! They say; “If you feel ill health coming on, brew a wellness elixir. Simmer three sliced lemons, one teaspoon freshly grated ginger, one clove freshly minced garlic, and one quarter teaspoon cayenne pepper in five cups water until the lemons are soft and pale. Strain a portion into a mug and add honey by tablespoons until you can tolerate the taste. Drinking this potent mixture of antibacterial, antiviral, and antifungal ingredients three times each day can ensure your symptoms never progress into a full-blown illness.”

I missed out on this elixir, and got sick faster than a speeding bullet.   Like any bored, sick girl would; my Facebook status quickly changed to “Chloe is battling an evil bout of influenza.”

All of a sudden everyone’s a Doctor;

Ian commented;

“Hot whiskey toddy, with a touch of honey, and lemon works wonders.”

Allison advised;

“Cayenne pepper, hot water, and lemon juice. Black elderberry syrup, Vitamin C and Zinc. Oh, and lots of hugs and cuddles and cable tv and trashy mags!”

Fallopia had to chime in on that one;

The trashy mags do it for me…almost makes me want to be sick. People don’t really believe me when I tell them that dairy makes them sick, but I used to get colds all the time, and now that I gave up the dairy, I hardly ever do.”


Susan hollered;

“Miso soup w/ scallions=cure for common cold (with no heat signs like fever or sore throat). I was pretty sick the last few day but the Obama victory really helped and tons of green juice and zinc (odorless garlic works). Chant,”Obama, Obama”. Why stop now? Use a Neti pot or saline nasal spray…..flush out that congestion. If runny nose persists….get homeopathy pills to dry nose. Zinc cough drops (constant) or colloidal silver for throat. Make yourself alkaline—–do search to get list of acid /alkaline foods. No soy/rice milk, cashew butter, even green beans—acids. Flush it out!! Astragulus – most texts say take Vit A & C.  Don’t let it go deeper like me (from running around/no sleep) …now I have a deep cough. Alison is sure right about elderberry syrup. Sambucol is a good brand.”

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Ruby said;

“I find hot, oatmeal baths always make me feel good when I’m sick.”

Thanks Ian, but I’m vegan so no go on the honey, and the idea of whiskey right now makes me want to claw out my nasal passages.   Fallopia and Allison – who needs trashy mags when you have Bridezilla, TMZ, and reruns of the Janice Dickinson “Modeling” agency?

Another year, another freakin flu.   There is really nothing you can do to avoid getting a cold – and really – part of me thinks it’s actually cleansing and important to get sick once a season.   Kind of like it being normal for us to have seasons, and feel pain during our periods.   It forces you to look inwards, make lists, catch up on reading (incidentally I read a fabulous AM Homes book over the course of the week), and feel SO grateful to be “normal” again once all is said and done.

Yep, there is no cure for the common cold, but I do know a few things that alleviated my pain.   I’m no Doctor (except of Love), but I do have the instincts of a wild cat, so roll with me on this.

  • Astragalus is a life saver.   Take it x3 a day when feeling sick or trying to avoid being sick.
  • While you are at it; take C and Garlic (if you can’t hack eating it).   I avoid Zinc – it gives me tummy aches – but if you can stomach it do take it.
  • Tea… organic and caffeine free.   You need rest – not to be peppy and hyper.
  • Eat shitloads of homemade soups with a ton of garlic.   I used my daily allotment of 20 minutes of energy to make a soup a day (which I then ate all day).   I made soups with whatever fresh greens, garlics, beans, spices, and grains I had in the house – use your imagination, but add serious amounts of garlic.   I pureed in my cuisinart (once cooled) when my throat couldn’t handle soups with lots of bits n’ pieces.   As my throat got better, I moved up to chunkier soups.   I personally thought the bits of carbs from the soups (brown rice, wheat berries, potatoes, etc) gave me the energy I needed to get back and forth from the bathroom to the bedroom.   If you need something cold or sweet; resist the urge to go with ice cream.   Your bod SO doesn’t need sugar right now.   Use your blender to puree frozen berries.   Add a banana or dates and some ginger or cinnamon if you want to get funky.   My throat just asked for super cold, and this did the trick.
  • Use your intuition – if your body says SLEEP – friggin’ sleep, toughguy.   If your body says Orange Juice – drink a carton.   Listen to your body.   Mine said garlic and bed rest.
  • Stay cozy; wear robes and soft pjs and blankets.   Look Mummy like, and don’t walk around with a wet head of hair.   Walking around with wet hair doesn’t actually make you sick (that’s an untrue ole wives tale), but it will make you feel like doo doo.
  • This is what “On Demand” tv was made for.   Use it if your Netflix is in limbo.
  • Spray natural, organic nice smelling sprays or burn scented soy candles in your bedroom to avoid that stinky sick smell.
  • Get someone to help you scoop the litter and walk the dogs – it can feel overwhelming when you are koo-koo-ka-flu.
  • Be your own bestest Mommy or Daddy.   Treat yourself like you’d treat your kid or BFF.
  • Keep everything you need close in reach (remote control, tissues, vitamins, bottled water, snacks, etc) so you don’t have to bustle around.
  • Avoid most cough drops – they are just panaceas stuffed with sugar (or fake sugar which is even worse) that give you more mucus.
  • Pass on the chicken soup myth. According to the American Lung Association; “Chicken soup has no power to cure a cold. However, hot liquids can soothe a scratchy throat or a cough. Hot toddies should also be avoided during a cold. Alcoholic beverages can increase the body’s chance of dehydration, and therefore make symptoms worse.”   If however, you are just jonesing for some Chicken Soup, try this much healthier (and bird approved) un-Chicken Soup Recipe that’s yummy in the tummy.   Here’s another option.     I personally think any hot, steaming soup – rich in veg and (you guessed it!) garlic – will do the trick!
  • Try a Kombucha or Fresh Coconut water for natural mood boosts when feeling depressed.

Now, as I have my first post-flu day (still blowing my nose a hundred times a minute and coughing up unholy sounds), I have a new lease on life.   I know it will be a few days (maybe even a week) til I’m 100%, but that’s how it goes.   Who fed us this ridiculous bill of goods that a flu comes and goes within 3 days?   Do you really think something described by the Center for Disease Control as a “contagious respiratory illness caused by influenza viruses” is supposed to come and go as seamlessly as a visit from Aunt Flo?   CDC also says; “Healthy adults may be able to infect others 1 day before getting symptoms and up to 5 days after getting sick. Therefore, it is possible to give someone the flu before you know you are sick as well as while you are sick.”     That means, stay at home Captain Busypants.Vegan Not Chicken Soup will make you feel a little betterVegan Not Chicken Soup will make you feel a little better

There are Western Medicines available, of course, though I usually try to keep it holistic.   You may need a prescription if you have strep throat or an ear inflection.  And of course, you can always fall back on the band aids at the drugstore which will only mask what you have and will probably make you feel worse (though I admit to taking a dose of Theraflu  on my second day in cuz I was losing my mind and really needed to be put out of my misery).

Point is – do what feels right for you, and feel free to share your favorite flu tips below (under comments) so we can read them (knee deep in a vat of tissues) next time we get under the weaths.

Here’s to your health!!