Knocked up and hoping for a perfectly “by the book” pregnancy? Things don’t always go precisely as we expect them to. Today Malaine Poore, a Mamazon with tattoos, a DIY spirit, and 2 gorgeous kids with amazing names (Lyr and Isis!) shares her goddessy and helpful preggy tips;
I have two children, ages 7 and 9. Before that I trained to be a doula (birth assistant) and apprenticed with a midwife. I was 20 years old, had never been pregnant or given birth, and I was wildly romantic about the idea. My bed side table was covered with dog-eared copies of “Spiritual Midwifery” and “Special Delivery”, so many stories of psychedelic and orgasmic births and radiant pregnancies. My own mother had spent two entire pregnancies green with nausea. I was certain it was because she didn’t do yoga or share my superior attitude about trust and faith in the natural process. Maybe if she’d made some ginger tea or done some deep breathing, nine months of discomfort would have been avoided.
Right now, I am wincing, remembering my smug young self. In these same books there is the call to SURRENDER to pregnancy, FLOW with your labor and later ACCEPT what it means to have a baby in the house. I sort of missed that. I was looking at the ways to control the nine months naturally. Natural is great, the idea that things can be controlled…..um, good luck with that.
Here is my advice as someone who has been through it. I offer it with humility. I am only the expert on me, just like you are the expert on you.
- Look into natural remedies for what ails you. Do a Google search. Ask at the health food store. Ask your mama friends. But don’t be shocked if you don’t find the comfort that you knew before you were pregnant. (Ginger tea works for morning sickness for lots and lots of people. It never did for me. BREAD worked for me, at least while I was eating it.)
- BE VERY NICE TO YOURSELF. This is nine months out of your long life. You may not jog every morning like you used to (and Lord knows you will know someone who did this and more). You may cry for reasons so irrational that they aren’t fit to print. You may live out every pregnant lady cliche . Oh well.
- When it is hard, think about babies. Go to the park and look at the babies. Touch their lil’ ole’ feet if you can get away with it. Remember that you are doing this all for a great and magical purpose.
- Ask for support, wherever you can get it. The people who love you may not know what you need – they may need specific directions from you. Your partner, your family, your doula, your girlfriends. Seek out mentors and comforters. I loved talking to older women about their experiences. I’d find myself at parties huddled up with someone’s grandma. There is universality in motherhood. Welcome to the club.