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60 Of The Funkiest Valentine’s Day Gifts To Buy For Your Own Darn Self

60 Of The Funkiest Valentine’s Day Gifts To Buy For Your Own Darn Self

‘Aint nobody, loves you better than YOU. Forget waiting for gifts from a phantom lover, or uninspired spouse – BUY IT FOR YOURSELF! You deserve it. Period T. These are the quirky, useful, cooler than diamonds gifts to treat yourself with this V day. Okay, maybe you want to buy just one of these for your love, kid, or bestie…

Pink Cake Tissue Box Cover – let them sneeze cake.

2FACEDCAKES Pink Cake Tissue Box Cover. $80

Cat plates! Nobody know you like you!

Japanese Small Plate Set, $22

Monthly fresh sourdough that shows up on your doorstep! F*ck diets!

Wildgrain Boxes, prices vary

Design your own nails like a superstar forever. Bee-Bee manicures!

O2NAILS Portable Nail Printer M1 Mobile Nail Art Printing Machine, $600

Relive your prime, pop this baby on your coffee table and remember who you are/ were.

All-American Ads of the 90s, $40

All pretty middle aged thangs are swearing by this LED mask.

Dr. Dennis Gross DRx SpectraLite Dpl FaceWare Pro, $455

A waterless (no icky mold!) innovative oil infuser (essential oil on rocks with a fan!) that will change the way you infuse for good.

Canopy Diffuser With Aroma Subscription, $70

The V day card to buy yourself and jot down your self love intention.

Phaedra Peer Card, $4

Shiatsu massage, deep-kneading nodes, and heated padding – no partner needed. Add it to your work chair, change your life.

Total Recline Shiatsu Massage Cushion, $320

Wine for one! Enjoy wine at the ideal temperature, instantly with sulfites removed and fully aerated.

Ullo Chill Wine Purifier, $89

One of the most insanely worth it splurges – prepare for massive movie nights (over 100 inches of projection) – elevates netflix and chill!

Anker NEBULA Capsule, $299

Custom cat stamp!!!

Custom Pet Portrait Stamp, $16

A practical gift for your side sleeping self! So cozy and well made – you’ll thank yourself.

Eli & Elm | Ultimate Side Sleeper Pillow, $129

A customizable planner is your guide to embracing a healthy mindset and finding self-love in each and every day. Packed with interactive prompts and exercises, this year-long companion walks you through the self-love process, including key elements like purposefulness, wellness, and boundaries.

The Self-Love Planner: Reflection Prompts, Empowering Exercises, and Daily Inspiration for Your Personal Growth Journey by Shainna Ali, $25

Keep your house plants alive and thriving with this app that does it all to make you the best plant parent.  The app will notify you when it’s time to water, fertilize, mist, clean and repot. We are obsessed.

Planta App (Download for free, Premium Subscription is $35.99/year):,

The jumpsuit that you can wear (not for the male gaze..) every day in any season. Treat yourself to this forever denim.

Barnes Jumpsuit, $550

Buy the fancy hair products for yourself!

The Core: Hydrate, Moisturize, Soothe & Grow, $108

The best vegan cookie dough we have ever tried – we cannot believe the level of clean ingredients in these nibbles of angel wings. Another level of yum – minus any sugar!!! Bonus: since you’re buying this for yourself you don’t need to overspend on chocolate boxes that cost $100!

AHAV Edible Cookie Dough Bites, $5.49

CBD bath bombs – 20 minutes of self pleasure in either lavender or rose. They’re not just soothing and uplifting, they’re pretty, too with their biodegradable glitter and real flakes of flowers.

Full Spectrum CBD Bath Bombs, $16

Mellow out and treat yourself to the adult version of your fave teen candy.

Baked Delta & Gummy Jar, $16

This divine  smell of this body wash will  keep your senses open and receptive to love.

Love Lush Shower Gel, $11.50

Rainbow represents good luck and good mood, and who doesn’t need that in February? When the sunlight through this stained glass window screen, the beautiful colors will make your room warm and cozy.

Kleeglee Stained Glass Window. $42

Being a human can be hard, thankfully we don’t have to do it alone! You got this.

You Are Not Alone: Classic Key Necklace, $45

Time to manifest spring while you enjoy a leisurely cuppa.

Fair Trade Kimono Robe, $48

Automatic mood booster? Make spring plans! Support nature and biodiversity in your yard by planting a mini meadow this spring.

Tiny and Wild: Build a small-scale meadow anywhere by Graham Laird Gardner, $25

Protect yourself and your heart by always sporting an evil eye necklace.

Evil Eye 18K Plated, $38

Like a hug for your head, sleeping solo is so relaxing!

Nodpod Gentle Pressure Sleep Mask, $34

Been watching “Emily In Paris” season 2? If so, you’ve been craving a kir royale! Make one of these refreshing cocktails for yourself with this vitamin c packed syrup and a splash of champs! A fully stocked bar cart is so luxe.

Ribena Blackcurrant, $14

“The Little Mermaid” fans inside us squeal at these hairclips. Buy one for your bestie – and one for yourself –  for V Day.

Shell Jaw Clip $10,

Bake love day muffins for your favorite little love muffins, but use this precious timer to ping you and let you know when your baked goods are complete.

Strawberry Kitchen Timer, $12

Doesn’t your furry feline deserve to be toted around in watermelon shell?

Vetreska Carrier, $100

Let ferns and flowers form a vibrant array atop this fresh and lovely loaf pan. This pan makes even the most basic baker shine!

Nordic Ware Wildflower Loaf Pan, $32

We all want to be this lady, wafting in on silken robes and sparkly shoe. Slippers, but make it fabulous.

The Swan Jeweled Gold Sparkle, $165

Always give presents to kids on every holiday, even if tiny. We love these lego BFF heart keychains – one on the back pack, one in your bag for good luck!

Heart Keychain Set, $11

One of my closest friends bought me this for my last birthday, and it’s now one of my most treasured possessions! It just makes me so happy putting special little noshes in each of these compartments. A natural way to make hummus, olives, and chips look gorgeous! Get this one for you!

Kamsah Plate Set & Serving Platter, Custom Hand-Painted, $80

The coolest fleece you’ll ever buy yourself.  The pop of metallic improves the look of strolling out for fresh air by 100%. And it’s majorly on sale!

Quilted Mix Borg Jacket , Was $190 – now $92 (plus a % off with this link!)

Note to self via morning coffee

Ginger Fox Mugs, $15

Drop a few glittery (totally eco friendly and biodegradable) tablets in the bowl before you go and the essential oils create a fizzy, fragrant force field that keeps the stank under wraps.

Glitter Hearts Toilet Tablets, $38

You deserve this at your desk. Just giving you official permission to purchase this.

In Case of Emergency Break Glass Shadow Box, $48

You don’t not need this for your shower – if you think about it really hard.

Glass/Beer/Cans/Bottle/Drink Holder for Shower/ Bath, $14

This brilliant new noise filter fan has the newest, state of the art technology that generates sounds that will help you fall – and stay – asleep.

LectroFan EVO, $50

Even a tiny weapon says “don’t f*ck with me!”

Judith Necklace, $92

Dare to dream. If you’re the kind of boss lady who can swing a dress like this – please do it on our behalf.

Rachel Gilbert Violet Beaded Gown, $7500

Who wouldn’t be cheered up if they swapped their boring old whites for these hand dyed tie dye shoelaces?

See Also
50 Thoughtful And Useful Gifts You Can Still Send Someone Stuck In Quarantine

Hand dyed tie dye shoelaces, $11

Cut all possibilities of bullshit when you wear this ring at the bar.

Bye Ring, $58

Cleanse your space with some gorgeous smells – for you – not for anyone else.

Peony Flower, $32

In terms of wellness, there’s one supplement we applaud above all others – astragalus. Buy it for yourself and thank us later.

Astragalus: Protective root. Immunity, brain & emotional wellbeing, $27

Pink oyster mushrooms are strikingly beautiful, and the perfect thing to sauté during your romantic date for one.. or two!

Pink Oyster ‘Spray & Grow’ Mushroom Growing Kit, $30

The comfiest ever bed tray for your seriously hyyge alone time.

Traybo Pro, $99

Keep your slim can or 12 oz of your favorite beverage hot or cold. The flexible collar locks in the cold with a snug fit.

12 oz Slim Cooler Cup, $25

A tee shirt titled SELF LOVE is all we need.

Self Love T Shirt by Sabrena Khadija, $15

With its large, bold heart-shaped flower, the Red Anthurium symbolizes hospitality, luck, and strong relationships, bringing instant happiness and abundance to any home.  Plus it’s SO 80s!

Red Anthurium, $49

Truer than true

Books & Comfy Clothes’ Pullover, $24

This rug is such a mood lifer!

Joojee Pink Rug, $219

This organic, French wine makes us as happy as the label.

2020 Cherries & Rainbows Red Wine
2020 Cherries & Rainbows Red Wine, $22

The coolest, yummiest vegan lip balm.

TOWER 28 BEAUTY JuiceBalm Vegan Tinted Lip Balm, $16

You’ll never own too many oversized Sweaters!

Chenille Sweater Turtleneck, $128

Seeing the world through rose colored glasses is never a bad thing.

Kaia, $98

Flaunt this gem knowing that you’re one part of a complete friendship that’ll shine brighter than anything out there.

Best Friend Heart Friendship Necklace, $63.70

A perfect neutral-pearly pink powder highlighter for glowing skin.

Pillow Talk Glow, $48

Treat your zits, but make it seasonal!

LOVE’ZIT Anytime Patches, $15

Cutest sticker sheet to celebrate the truest love in your life – Fido!

Hearts & Pups Sticker Sheet, $10

Journal on this perfect bedroom chair til  your hearts content.

Modern Slipper Chair, $879

These chocolate bars almost double as holistic meds! They are ethically sourced, naturally vegan dark chocolate paired with a proven blend of vitamins, minerals, and trusted botanicals to help promote whatever you need – from intimacy and desire to stress stabilization.  The packaging is gorge, as are the ingredients.

The Functional Chocolate Company Sexy Chocolate, $7.89

Some of these links include affiliate programs or tell-a-friend programs which may mean we earn a small % ourselves, or % off product. 

Cover Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash