Tuesday, July 14th, 2020

15 Ways To Raise A Child With Great Values

Published on April 1, 2015 by   ·   79 Comments Pin It
SUBSCRIBE NOW FOR OUR WEEKLY NEWSLETTER

“To educate a person in mind and not morals is to educate a menace to society.”  -Theodore Roosevelt

Photo: Crushed Red Pepper

Some psychologists think values are impossible to teach, and it is certainly true that telling kids to be more honest, or diligent, or considerate, doesn’t work any better than telling adults to be. But if values are impossible to teach, they are too important to leave to chance.

In recent years, some schools have tried to add moral development to their curriculum. But schools have a tough time teaching kids values because they intervene too late, not to mention in too much isolation from the rest of the child’s life. Worse yet, they are often at odds with what the child is learning at home about values.

Because the truth, of course, is that we do teach values to kids, daily, every minute of their lives. The question isn’t whether to teach values, only WHAT we are teaching.

“But how do kids learn values, then?”

The way children learn values, simply put, is by observing what you do, and drawing conclusions about what you think is important in life. Regardless of what you consciously teach them, your children will emerge from childhood with clear views on what their parents really value, and with a well developed value system of their own.

“I’ve heard that peers are more important in shaping values than parents nowadays.”

Of course, parents are not the only source from which children learn values, and peers certainly influence your kids, especially as teenagers. And of course it’s healthy for young people to think for themselves and develop their own world view, as much as we may want to influence our children.

But research shows that the stronger your relationship with your child, the more her world — including the opinions of her peers — is filtered through the values she’s picked up from you. Not to mention that if she has good self-esteem and a warm home life, she is more likely to pick friends who are more in sync with those values.

“We do talk about values with our kids, but I worry about the messages they get in the media, about appearance and money being all important.”

TV is an effective teacher. While some TV — especially public TV — has very positive social messages for young children, most TV — especially commercial television with advertising — teaches values antithetical to what most parents want for their kids. (Click here for more on how TV hurts your child). It certainly helps if you don’t have another voice in the household spouting antithetical values, and studies show that TV has a definite negative effect on kids’ values around sex, violence, acquisitiveness, race, and gender.

TV, schools, religious institutions, peer group, movies, books and other media are all strong teachers regarding values. But no matter how strong those cultural forces, most teenagers point to their parents as the primary source of their values.

“You’re talking about views on things like race and gender being values. I thought values were things like honesty, or being compassionate toward those less fortunate.”

Values include both what you hold dear — such as family, education, democracy, or equal dignity for all people — and what you think it is important to be — such as compassionate, hard-working, or honest.

“Ok, so they’re learning values one way or another. How do we teach them consciously?”

Values in most families are never directly discussed. Most of us assume our children will develop values automatically, like magic. Teaching values consciously starts with considering what our values are and finding ways in daily life to discuss — and live — them with our children.

Of course, this is complicated by the obvious fact that what humans say they believe, and what they actually do in practice, are often different. People don’t always act on their values. What your children will do when faced with difficult choices will depend more on who they are, than on what they say they believe.

“So what matters most is who my kid is? What does that mean? We all have good and bad inside us.”

True. And acting from the “good” inside us is more likely if anger, anxiety and low self esteem don’t get in the way. Kids who are cherished and attended to are more likely to respond compassionately to others, even from an early age. Which is why connected parents have an easier time teaching values. Their children have been raised empathically, and they are more likely to treat others kindly.

But that doesn’t let us off the hook. We still need to articulate our values to ourselves and then our kids — not just once, but over and over in the course of daily life.

“The list of my values could be very long!”

True. Values guru Michael Gurian enumerates ten moral competencies that all humans need: decency, fairness, empathy, self sacrifice, responsibility, loyalty, duty, service, honesty, honor.

Martin Seligman, the Happiness expert, says that happiness is a result of developing character strengths that sound a lot like Gurian’s but also include humility, self control, love of learning, industriousness, leadership, caution, and playfulness.

Linda and Richard Eyre, Mormon parenting experts, add to the list courage, peaceability, self-reliance, dependability, chastity, respect, love, unselfishness, and mercy.

Regardless of your own personal list of what you value most, I’m not encouraging you to reel it off to your child. The words won’t mean much out of context. But you can help your child to develop the values you want him to have.
Dr. Laura Markham is the author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Siblings: How to Stop the Fighting and Raise Friends for Life
and Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting and – you can visit her at ahaparenting.com

We highly recommend her books:

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Pin It

Readers Comments (79)

  1. Thank you.

    Youseful blog. Good post.

  2. doctor7online.com

    15 Ways To Raise A Child With Great Values | GirlieGirl Army

  3. generic ventolin

    15 Ways To Raise A Child With Great Values | GirlieGirl Army

  4. generic viagra 100mg

    15 Ways To Raise A Child With Great Values | GirlieGirl Army

  5. careprost vs latisse

    15 Ways To Raise A Child With Great Values | GirlieGirl Army

  6. can i buy chloroquine over the counter

    15 Ways To Raise A Child With Great Values | GirlieGirl Army

  7. tylenol walmart

    15 Ways To Raise A Child With Great Values | GirlieGirl Army

  8. buy hydroxychloroquine

    15 Ways To Raise A Child With Great Values | GirlieGirl Army

  9. back routine [url=http://viacheapusa.com/#]viagra online no prescription[/url] viagra samples viagra online
    no prescription literally fault http://viacheapusa.com/

  10. back routine [url=http://viacheapusa.com/#]viagra online
    no prescription[/url] viagra samples viagra online no prescription literally fault http://viacheapusa.com/

  11. generic cialis

    15 Ways To Raise A Child With Great Values | GirlieGirl Army

  12. You ought to take part in a contest for one of the greatest blogs on the net. I’m going to recommend this website

  13. You should take part in a contest for one of the greatest websites online. I am going to recommend this blog!

  14. This website was… how do I say it? Relevant!! Finally I have found something which helped me. Thanks a lot!

  15. I love looking through a post that can make people think. Also, many thanks for permitting me to comment!

  16. Attractive section of content. I just stumbled upon your weblog and in accession capital to assert that I acquire actually enjoyed account your blog posts. Anyway I’ll be subscribing to your augment and even I achievement you access consistently rapidly.

  17. I just want to mention I’m very new to blogs and seriously liked you’re blog site. Very likely I’m going to bookmark your blog post . You amazingly have wonderful well written articles. Regards for sharing your website page.

  18. Earn Online says:

    I very like this blog. Everything is cleared.

  19. MetroClick specializes in building completely interactive products like Photo Booth for rental or sale, Touch Screen Kiosks, Large Touch Screen Displays , Monitors, Digital Signages and experiences. With our own hardware production facility and in-house software development teams, we are able to achieve the highest level of customization and versatility for Photo Booths, Touch Screen Kiosks, Touch Screen Monitors and Digital Signage. Visit MetroClick in NYC at http://www.metroclick.com/ or , 121 Varick St, New York, NY 10013, +1 646-843-0888.

  20. Can I simply say what a aid to search out somebody who actually is aware of what theyre talking about on the internet. You positively know tips on how to carry an issue to light and make it important. Extra individuals need to read this and perceive this aspect of the story. I cant consider youre no more popular since you undoubtedly have the gift.

  21. It looks like there exists a trouble with your internet site utilising Opera web browser.

  22. This website was… how do you say it? Relevant!! Finally I’ve found something that helped me. Cheers!

  23. You should take part in a contest for one of the finest sites online. I’m going to highly recommend this web site!

  24. Howdy! I could have sworn I’ve visited your blog before but after browsing through some of the posts I realized it’s new to me. Nonetheless, I’m definitely happy I found it and I’ll be book-marking it and checking back often.

  25. The next time I read a blog, Hopefully it does not disappoint me as much as this one. After all, Yes, it was my choice to read through, nonetheless I really believed you would probably have something useful to talk about. All I hear is a bunch of moaning about something that you could possibly fix if you were not too busy seeking attention.

  26. Do you believe past life regression? Do you think past lives regression is real?

  27. Great web site you’ve got here.. It’s difficult to find high-quality writing like yours these days. I honestly appreciate people like you! Take care!!

  28. After checking out a handful of the blog articles on your web page, I seriously like your way of writing a blog. I saved as a favorite it to my bookmark webpage list and will be checking back in the near future. Take a look at my web site too and let me know your opinion.

  29. horse thrush says:

    I needed to thank you for this great read!! I definitely enjoyed every little bit of it. I have got you bookmarked to look at new stuff you post…

  30. Greetings, I believe your site might be having internet browser compatibility issues. When I look at your site in Safari, it looks fine but when opening in I.E., it has some overlapping issues. I just wanted to provide you with a quick heads up! Other than that, great blog.

  31. A different issue is really that video gaming became one of the all-time biggest forms of fun for people of nearly every age. Kids engage in video games, and adults do, too. The particular XBox 360 is amongst the favorite video games systems for many who love to have a huge variety of video games available to them, plus who like to play live with some others all over the world. Many thanks for sharing your ideas.

  32. Jamesfrusy says:

    Знаете ли вы?
    Китайскую пустыню засадили лесами и открыли там фешенебельный курорт.
    Альбом «Битлз», признанный одним из величайших в истории музыки, ругали за искусственность и «перепродюсированность».
    Ливийский диктатор пытался спасти от казни премьер-министра Пакистана.
    100-летний ветеран внёс уникальный вклад в борьбу со смертельной угрозой.
    Убийца с руками-клешнями избежал тюрьмы, но позже сам был убит.

    http://www.0pb8hx.com/

  33. Nice post. I learn something totally new and challenging on websites I stumbleupon on a daily basis. It’s always interesting to read articles from other writers and use a little something from their web sites.

  34. Way cool! Some extremely valid points! I appreciate you penning this write-up and the rest of the website is really good.

  35. Your style is so unique compared to other folks I’ve read stuff from. I appreciate you for posting when you’ve got the opportunity, Guess I’ll just book mark this blog.

  36. hiphop beats says:

    I absolutely love your site.. Excellent colors & theme. Did you make this amazing site yourself? Please reply back as I’m trying to create my very own blog and would like to know where you got this from or exactly what the theme is named. Appreciate it.

  37. Spot on with this write-up, I seriously feel this website needs a lot more attention. I’ll probably be returning to see more, thanks for the information.

  38. This is a topic that is near to my heart… Best wishes! Exactly where are your contact details though?

  39. Sapid Agency is a Search Engine Optimization company in New York City that provides SEO Services. Their proprietary SEO strategies help struggling websites and aspiring business owners to rank their websites higher in multiple search engines like Google , Yahoo and Bing. They provide local and gmb map ranking for businesses in NYC and many other local areas. Find more at https://www.sapidagency.com/ @ 145 E 57TH NEW YORK, NY 10022, USA, +1 971 341 5608 USA

  40. happy says:

    I’d like to thank you for the efforts you’ve put in writing this website. I really hope to check out the same high-grade content by you later on as well. In fact, your creative writing abilities has motivated me to get my own, personal site now ;)

  41. my concrete says:

    Great post. I will be dealing with some of these issues as well..

  42. There is certainly a great deal to find out about this subject. I really like all the points you made.

  43. I blog quite often and I truly appreciate your content. This great article has truly peaked my interest. I will book mark your blog and keep checking for new details about once per week. I opted in for your RSS feed as well.

  44. Hi! I just want to give you a huge thumbs up for the great information you have here on this post. I am returning to your site for more soon.

  45. Writing unique articles is a hard job.

  46. I’m more than happy to discover this site. I wanted to thank you for your time due to this fantastic read!! I definitely really liked every part of it and I have you saved to fav to look at new things on your blog.

  47. Aw, this was an extremely nice post. Finding the time and actual effort to make a really good article… but what can I say… I put things off a whole lot and never manage to get anything done.

  48. I really like it when folks get together and share ideas. Great website, keep it up!

  49. I just wish to reveal to you that I am new to posting and thoroughly loved your webpage. Very possible I am probably to save your blog post . You absolutely have outstanding article blog posts. Value it for discussing with us your very own website document

  50. Fairly entertaining resources you have said, warm regards for publishing.

  51. You are so awesome! I do not suppose I’ve read through something like that before. So great to find someone with some unique thoughts on this subject matter. Really.. thanks for starting this up. This web site is something that’s needed on the internet, someone with a little originality.

  52. sellefied says:

    Right here is the right site for anyone who really wants to understand this topic. You know a whole lot its almost hard to argue with you (not that I personally would want to…HaHa). You definitely put a fresh spin on a topic that’s been discussed for decades. Wonderful stuff, just great.

  53. You ought to be a part of a contest for one of the highest quality blogs on the web. I most certainly will recommend this blog!

  54. Porn says:

    It’s difficult to find educated people on this topic, but you sound like you know what you’re talking about! Thanks

  55. You’re so awesome! I don’t think I’ve read something like that before. So great to discover someone with original thoughts on this subject. Really.. thank you for starting this up. This web site is something that is needed on the internet, someone with a little originality.

  56. Your style is unique in comparison to other folks I have read stuff from. Thank you for posting when you have the opportunity, Guess I’ll just bookmark this web site.

  57. I love it when people come together and share views. Great website, keep it up.

  58. Good post. I learn something new and challenging on websites I stumbleupon every day. It’s always helpful to read articles from other authors and use a little something from their websites.

  59. Your style is unique compared to other people I have read stuff from. Thanks for posting when you have the opportunity, Guess I’ll just bookmark this blog.

  60. iwc says:

    Your style is so unique compared to other people I have read stuff from. Thanks for posting when you have the opportunity, Guess I’ll just bookmark this blog.

  61. I absolutely love your site.. Pleasant colors & theme. Did you create this website yourself? Please reply back as I’m attempting to create my own site and would love to find out where you got this from or what the theme is called. Kudos!

  62. Spot on with this write-up, I honestly think this web site needs a great deal more attention. I’ll probably be back again to see more, thanks for the info!

  63. cheapest 100mg viagra delivered overnight

    15 Ways To Raise A Child With Great Values | GirlieGirl Army

  64. Very nice write-up. I absolutely appreciate this site. Continue the good work!

  65. jeans says:

    I blog frequently and I truly thank you for your information. The article has really peaked my interest. I’m going to take a note of your blog and keep checking for new information about once per week. I opted in for your RSS feed too.

  66. I’m impressed, I have to admit. Rarely do I encounter a blog that’s both equally educative and engaging, and without a doubt, you’ve hit the nail on the head. The issue is something that not enough men and women are speaking intelligently about. I’m very happy I found this during my hunt for something relating to this.

  67. cialis 20mg says:

    cialis 20mg

    15 Ways To Raise A Child With Great Values | GirlieGirl Army

  68. I was more than happy to discover this great site. I need to to thank you for ones time just for this fantastic read!! I definitely savored every part of it and I have you saved to fav to see new things on your site.

  69. This web site certainly has all the info I wanted about this subject and didn’t know who to ask.

  70. I blog often and I seriously appreciate your content. This great article has truly peaked my interest. I’m going to bookmark your site and keep checking for new details about once a week. I subscribed to your RSS feed as well.

  71. Oh my goodness! Amazing article dude! Thanks, However I am going through troubles with your RSS. I don’t understand the reason why I cannot join it. Is there anyone else getting identical RSS issues? Anyone that knows the answer will you kindly respond? Thanks.

  72. I was very happy to discover this website. I wanted to thank you for ones time due to this fantastic read!! I definitely loved every part of it and I have you book marked to see new information on your site.

  73. The very next time I read a blog, I hope that it doesn’t fail me as much as this one. After all, Yes, it was my choice to read, but I actually thought you would probably have something helpful to talk about. All I hear is a bunch of moaning about something you could possibly fix if you weren’t too busy seeking attention.




Shop GGA

Sharing Buttons by Linksku
  • Contributors
  • Disclaimer
  • Press
  • Cheapskates
  • Sign Up
  • About
  • Advertisers
  • Contact Us
  • Style & Beauty
  • Lifestyle
  • Mamazon
  • Nosh
  • Wellness
  • Exclusive
  • Default
  • Get This
  • 2020
  • 2019
  • 2018
  • 2017
  • 2016
  • 2015
  • 2014
  • 2013
  • 2012
  • 2011
  • 2010
  • 2009