Guest Blogger and Life Coach Laurie Gerber reminds us that we all live by some sort of rules. Here she helps us designate the ones that actually work – and help us fulfill our goals – from the ones that are simply taking up space. After reading this article, take inventory of what is truly important to you, and rewrite your laws.
At Handel Group Life Coaching, we teach our clients how to live by personal laws of their own design.
What are personal laws? How to drive, pay for things, say please and thank you, what you’ll wear, eat, say, not say, smoke and tolerate. These are all your personal laws by which you govern yourself. This is not about morality; this is about the way you conduct yourself based on certain unconscious or conscious principles. We say these principles are “laws” because people really think this is the way they HAVE to be, act, think, do, feel and react. It’s easy to forget that we can choose how we would like to be and live our lives, but this is the reality.
We HAVE LAWS FOR EVERYTHING, of which we are mostly NOT AWARE. We have found that 99.99% of the time, wherever you are not happy, you probably have a not-so-smart law set in place.
For example: I had this ongoing concern that I didn’t think my husband and I communicated well. I wanted long, intimate talks and we weren’t having those and I thought it was all his fault.
What I found when I looked a little deeper was that I had a bad law in place called: “If I have something more important to say than my husband I can interrupt.” So I created a new law: “When my husband speaks I listen until he is done and if I interrupt, I apologize immediately.” And you know what? I got my long and intimate talks with him!
Another example we hear a lot when I’m coaching weight loss clients is “I don’t love my body.” In these cases find that most people have unconscious laws like: “If I am tired, I don’t have to exercise” -or- “If someone offers me food, I have to eat it” -or- “If it’s a holiday, birthday, Friday, raining or I feel sad I can eat whatever I want.” Can you see how these laws are dumb if what you really want is a rocking body? But it’s typical to think this rationale makes sense and so you follow it and still expect a hot bod. Doesn’t add up, does it? If you can see the laws you are already living by, then you have a shot at changing parts of your life that you are not so happy about.
Ready to get started?
- Make a list of the parts of your life you are not happy about. Be specific.
- Figure out the law governing that area.
- Now write new laws for yourself that would align you with whatever would make you proud.
- Keep your list of new laws somewhere you can see them daily.
- Share your new laws with someone who will help you stick to them. Better yet, hire a life coach!
YOU CAN MAKE LAWS ABOUT ANY AREA OF LIFE!
Here are a few of mine along with ones I have suggested to clients:
- No squashing my brother’s ideas
- Have an adventure once a month
- What time I am available to my kids
- Not allowed to do chores I’ve already given my husband
- Return calls in a certain time
- A risk a day
- 1 hour time off a night
- 15 business contacts a day
- Confess repetitive judgments against others within 24 hours
- Weekly date with my husband
- Pick up the phone and call the person if I am re-writing an email to get it “right”
- Bedtime, get up time, how many times I get to hit snooze.
Laurie Gerber is President of the Private Coaching Division of The Handel Group, an international coaching company which specializes in teaching corporations, educational institutions, and individuals to take focused and powerful action in every area. Passionate about personal development, Laurie has been coaching individuals and groups for the last 10 years. Laurie holds a degree in Education and Political Science from Swarthmore College, along with teaching certification. She lives in Manhattan with her husband and two daughters. You can contact her at [email protected].